Today I am completely yours, God.

From time to time life has gotten the best of me; I’ve felt hopeless, lost and angry. I was raised as a Christian and sometimes I’ve doubted the existence of God and the chance that there really is none. The last couple of months have really been trying for me. Last week was one that really took the cake. It seems that the harder I try the worse things get; last week it seemed like I was going to explode. My metal roof leaked and ruined a spot on my new ceiling, it rained so much that I was afraid the line that runs the water from my sump pump in the house was going to backflow from the pond into my crawl space. My trunk latch quit working, Tyler’s Focus quit working, and when I got home from work on Friday afternoon, I got the mail and in it was a bill from a collection agency for are $9,158.70. To be perfectly honest it makes me really question the whole “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” comment. I’m not Super Woman by any definition of the term.

So, after the weekend pity party I held for myself, I decided I was going to give it a try… Instead of continuing to question the existence of God, I was just going to turn it all over to him. I’m going to stop thinking I know what is best for me, trying to take my life down a path that I think it should just go and just try to follow through prayer.

While I have spent the last several years trying to make sense of life, when I have been faced with pain and trials, it has been easier for me to believe what I can see instead of what I can’t see. I read an article during my pity party, while I was trying to search for answers that I said “It is at our lowest point of struggle that we must lift our eyes in prayer and believe our God is not going to let us be devoured by the enemy of destruction.”  Obviously, what I have been doing isn’t working and so it’s time for a change.

Currently I feel that I am beyond weak, I have no strength and at times, well God, and you know where my mind wonders. So, God, here I am; surrendering my struggles to you. Please provide me the strength and power to stand in faith and know that you are there for me and that you will guide me down the right path. From this day forward, I will live my life praising you, making tough decisions only after I have brought them before you in prayer and was silent and listened.

I pray that you will guide me in the direction of a church that I can call home, provide me with answers and direction to the situations that you know exist, allow me to forgive my sister for what she’s done, help me be a good mom and daughter, and be the best me that I can possibly be.  Most importantly, please provide me with the tools to be a witness for you and share Your glory with all of those that I encounter.