I found this prayer that I had to share.

"Dear Almighty Lord God Jesus Christ, I thank you for this day, for this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.
I thank you for my being able to see, and to hear, and to speak, and to feel, and to taste of Your good creation this day and every day.
I'm blessed because you are such a loving and such
a forgiving God, and such an understanding and caring God.
You have done so much for me and yet you keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything I have ever done, or ever said or ever thought
That was not pleasing to you. I say I am so sorry.
I now repent and ask for your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe O God From all danger, hurt, and harm.
Help me to start this day and every day With a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day, To clear my mind so that I can hear from you.
Please broaden my mind so that I can accept all things according to God's Will. Let me not whine and whimper
Over things I have no control over, for all things are working together for my good and God's Glory.
And when I'm pushed beyond my limits, give me the best response, a response which says Alleluia, and
Praise the Lord, and Thanks be unto the Most High God Almighty, I know that when I can't
pray, You listen to the prayer of my heart.
Continue to use me to do your will.
Continue to bless me so that I may be A blessing to others.
Keep me strong so that I may help the weak...
Keep me uplifted so that I may have Words of encouragement for the discouraged.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way, that they come to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, even through this Prayer I am now praying.

I pray for those that are misjudged
Misguided, misused, and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don't know you intimately.
I pray for those who will delete this prayer
without sharing the Love of God with others
I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank You, that I do believe
That God changes people and God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every one of the family members
In their households. I pray for peace, love, and joy
in their homes; I pray that they are out of debt
And that all their financial needs are met, and they have more than enough to be a blessing to others.
I pray for every eye that reads and says this Prayer
That they come to know that there is no problem, no circumstance, no situation that is greater than God, for God is greater than all, God is greater in all, God is greater through all, and God is greater upon all.
For God, the Most High God Almighty of all the Universes is truly the Greatest of All.

I pray for all my enemies, and those who have used me and abused me, and have lifted up their hands and their tongue against me. I now forgive them for all they have done. In Jesus Name, all my enemies are now forgiven, and I pray God forgiveness upon all my enemies, for they do know what they are doing, for I am a Child of God.
So every battle that I have ever encountered in my life is now in God's Loving hands, for You, O God fights all my battles for me.
I pray that these words be believed, received and accepted
into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every tongue that confesses them
in name of Jesus Christ, I pray believing, receiving and accepting God's miracles in my life this
day and every day, for God's Divine favor is now my heritage, in Jesus Name. Amen and Amen! It is
done! O' Praise The Lord! Alleluia!

God Bless You!! ! ! !
Just repeat the phrase below and see how God moves!!

God I so love you and I need you. I confess that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God, my Lord, my Savior, and my King, and I confess this day and every day that I am highly FAVORED by God and man.
Please come into my life, Lord Jesus Christ and change my heart now!
Let's take this Prayer around the World.
You will receive a miracle tomorrow.
Don't ignore this and God will bless you.
Know that you are already blessed
By the person who sent this to you.

You never know how many people you will bring to the foot of the Cross because of you sending this e-mail out to as many people as possible, and God will say to you 'Well Done'

_______________________________
CONCENTRATE ON THIS:

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Something good will happen to you today, something that you have been waiting for to hear. Please repeat these 30 Words, " Almighty Jesus Christ, my Everlasting Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses, and please watch over and heal my family in Jesus name, Amen". His prayer is so powerful. Pass this to other people. A blessing is coming to you in form of a new job, a house, marriage or financial blessings. Do not break or ask questions. This is a test. Does God come first in your life? If so, stop what you’re doing & send it to other people right now......Lets take this Prayer around the world.....And watch what God does for you.

Don't stand before God empty handed. Send this out to as many people as possible now, and let this be your ministry unto God who Brings Miracles in your life today and everyday.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that you cannot touch or see but it is real. Forgiveness is one of those things that hopefully, begin to make everything ok again. If you have ever received it you know what a miracle it is. If you've given it, you know what a load lifted it can lift off your heart. It can repair relationships.

When you forgive someone it helps you, the forgiver. You will have more peace and joy in your life. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is an actual action that may take some work and require a reminder from time to time. Something we tend to forget is that we also need to forgive ourselves.

Holding a grudge can cause bitterness to grow in your heart and it creates a pain that you carry with you know matter what you do or who you do it with. The pain that it brings keeps you tied to the past, you can't let it go, and it begins to dominate and control your life.

Forgiveness is a choice that we make. Make the choice to forgive yourself and others today. I did with a few people recently, and honestly... I am thankful that I did.

Today I am completely yours, God.

From time to time life has gotten the best of me; I’ve felt hopeless, lost and angry. I was raised as a Christian and sometimes I’ve doubted the existence of God and the chance that there really is none. The last couple of months have really been trying for me. Last week was one that really took the cake. It seems that the harder I try the worse things get; last week it seemed like I was going to explode. My metal roof leaked and ruined a spot on my new ceiling, it rained so much that I was afraid the line that runs the water from my sump pump in the house was going to backflow from the pond into my crawl space. My trunk latch quit working, Tyler’s Focus quit working, and when I got home from work on Friday afternoon, I got the mail and in it was a bill from a collection agency for are $9,158.70. To be perfectly honest it makes me really question the whole “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” comment. I’m not Super Woman by any definition of the term.

So, after the weekend pity party I held for myself, I decided I was going to give it a try… Instead of continuing to question the existence of God, I was just going to turn it all over to him. I’m going to stop thinking I know what is best for me, trying to take my life down a path that I think it should just go and just try to follow through prayer.

While I have spent the last several years trying to make sense of life, when I have been faced with pain and trials, it has been easier for me to believe what I can see instead of what I can’t see. I read an article during my pity party, while I was trying to search for answers that I said “It is at our lowest point of struggle that we must lift our eyes in prayer and believe our God is not going to let us be devoured by the enemy of destruction.”  Obviously, what I have been doing isn’t working and so it’s time for a change.

Currently I feel that I am beyond weak, I have no strength and at times, well God, and you know where my mind wonders. So, God, here I am; surrendering my struggles to you. Please provide me the strength and power to stand in faith and know that you are there for me and that you will guide me down the right path. From this day forward, I will live my life praising you, making tough decisions only after I have brought them before you in prayer and was silent and listened.

I pray that you will guide me in the direction of a church that I can call home, provide me with answers and direction to the situations that you know exist, allow me to forgive my sister for what she’s done, help me be a good mom and daughter, and be the best me that I can possibly be.  Most importantly, please provide me with the tools to be a witness for you and share Your glory with all of those that I encounter.

Stop Trying To Please Everyone!

I’ve always liked this story about “The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey”:

A Man and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: “You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?” 

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way.  But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.” 

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” 

Well, the Man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey.  By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them.  The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at.  The men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey with you and your hulking son?” 

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do.  They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders.  They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole.  In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned. 

“That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them: “Please all, and you will please none.”.

I try to be that people pleaser and do what everyone else tells me I should do, what is best for me, how I should be, what I should be... honestly, it's exhausting. Please just let me be me, let me follow my dreams, have my own hopes, love the way I want to love. Is that too much to ask?

Is the slate ever wiped clean?

pen·ance

/ˈpɛnəns/ Show Spelled [pen-uhns]

noun

1.

a punishment undergone in token of penitence for sin.

2.

a penitential discipline imposed by church authority.

3.

a sacrament, as in the Roman Catholic Church, consisting in a confession of

I know someone, someone who at one time was very close to me and while they are no longer here, they remain deep within my heart.

While watching a TV show the other night, the last part of the show included the woman asking the man if he didn’t do some things as a form of penance. This really hit home with me because sometimes I think that this is what Virgil does.

Things can be going along great for him and all of the sudden it is like he is becoming comfortable in a situation and he shouldn’t be; so he will throw up roadblocks that create a diversion and take that feeling of contentment away from him. I often wondered if he felt like because things people had said to him in the past or mistakes he had made kept him in a situation to where he felt like that was the debt he had to pay for those things. I don’t really know, I try to rationalize many things in attempt to have them make some sort of sense, but they’re all just really a guess. A guess that doesn’t help anyone but me, so a complete waste of time.

The thing is that I understand this type of internal hell. You’ve made mistakes and so in order to try and make it right in your head, you think that depriving yourself of everything and everyone; living in an internal hell, not letting anyone in and keeping everything and everyone at a distance is what you deserve. Slowly but surely, I’m learning that the only thing I’m doing…is hurting me. People are going to think what they want, those are the people I can’t change the minds of anyways, and why do I even care? Those who love me and care about me want to see me happy. They really don’t like what I’m doing to myself and the fact that for the most part I live in isolation.

What I’m learning and still trying to figure out how to do is that I don’t have to pay for the rest of my life for mistakes that I made years ago. At some point I have to figure out how to wipe my own slate clean, to start fresh, to be at peace, and let others in.

Carpe Diem

I was creating a table for my weekly task list when something hit me- If you look at the image above, what would you guess it to represent? 

This actually represents one year of our lives. The rows represent the twelve months in a year and the columns represent the days in each month. Now, if you are like me a year sure seems longer than what this table seems to represent; but when you look at it as a year in a glance, suddenly that year doesn’t seem quite as long.

As I sit and color in a square for each day that has passed so far in just this year alone, the realization is that there in absolutely no way that I am going to get that day back. When it’s gone, it’s gone forever. At the end of the year, we tear that grid off and we start all over.

I wonder, how many grids do I have left? With each year that passes I move on to another and another. For all I know, maybe I only have a few grids left; maybe I won’t even be here to complete this grid.

The realization for me is that I’ve been wasting many days on my grid. Many things that I want to do, people I want to talk to, be with, places to explore, memories to be made, and fun to have, I’m not doing. I’m going through the motions everyday thinking that those things will still be there next week or next month.

I guess maybe it’s time for me to adopt the YOLO way of life. It seems that my “F**K IT “list has become longer than my “Bucket List” and I’m not really happy with that. It’s time to find balance, seize today, and plan for tomorrow (just not obsessively.)

Are You the Garden or the Gardener?

Recently I heard someone make a comment that “In any good relationship, one partner is the gardener and the other is the garden; to grow successfully, we take turns in each role.”

At first I thought this was a little silly, but the more I thought about it the more sense it made. I can relate to the lyrics in the song Unbroken Ground by Gary Nichols. Growing up as a farm kid, this one really hit home; being in love with someone that has a few weeds that seem to match my weeds… well, that makes the song a hit, for me,  right away.

It has become clearer to me that problems in our relationships occur when we feel that we always have to fill the role of the gardener on a continual basis. We always have to be the strong one, have the answers and keep it all together and wrapped in a neat little package. Likewise, if you are with someone who always wants to be the garden, a relationship never grows or blossoms; so a good harvest always falls short. After all, a gardener only has so many hours of daylight and so much energy.

What I’m coming to the realization of is that the person that I feel is my soul mate, the person that I love more than anything; we are so much alike that we tend to do more damage than good.  We both are an alpha type, and always try to fill the role of the gardener. We don’t do well at being the garden. I don’t think that either of us had the opportunity to be the garden growing up or in previous relationships, so we don’t know how.  We’d rather fill the role of the strong gardener than to feel like the needy one. More than anything, we don’t want to admit that we can’t handle everything and anything, because in a strange way, it feels as if we are letting them and everyone else around us down.

I can’t speak for him, I have my guess, but he never would admit that I was anywhere close in thinking to his, so I’m probably wrong. So, for me, I always felt like he fell in love originally with the person who was strong, didn’t let anything get to them or bring them down (which I could be completely misguided on). I felt like I was wrong to say, “Hey, I’m hurting right now, I need help, I need a hand, or I’m not okay.” So, we had a relationship where communicating what the root problems were, was non-existent. The truth is he and I had very few problems that really belonged to us as a couple; they were weeds that blew in from neighboring gardens and because we couldn’t stop being the gardener, the weeds took over completely.

The irony in this is that for as much as I wanted to be the garden sometimes, I felt it wasn’t my place. A year ago in April, I finally knew that I couldn’t take it anymore and I was about to fall; I had a crazy pain in the a$$ who hooked up with my neighbor and tried to cause some problems for me at home. Instead of allowing me to be hurt, angry, frustrated at the situation, I was just supposed to go back to measuring to start another project, like it didn’t happen. The truth is, at that particular moment, I needed him to hold me, not expect me to work, hold me and tell me it would be okay and we would figure it out. But he didn’t, he became upset with me for being angry and he walked out, we haven’t been a couple since.

Maybe it’s situations like this that define us and tell us the next time to never allow yourself to become the garden, because when you do, the loss may be more than you expect.